Did you and your ex / ex make many new friends during the relationship? Sadly, now you are breaking up. How to end a relationship with an ex / ex without losing mutual friends?
Do not discuss your break with them. In such a situation, there are always two points of view. Leave your discussion with family and those friends with whom you knew before you entered into a relationship.
Never say anything bad about your ex / ex. The fact that you are not discussing parting does not mean at all that you can talk about this person nasty things that are not related to the breakup. When you tell unpleasant things to people who are your mutual friends, you put them in an extremely awkward position, because they want to remain faithful to both you and your ex.
Disclose information carefully. Since it is yours general friends, remember that everything you tell them can reach your ex. This can ruin all your attempts to part in a good way.
Keep in touch. This moment is very difficult, because mutual friends firmly connect you with the old relationship, - and heart and mind. However, if you want to maintain friendship, you must understand that your mutual friends may simply not know how to behave with you in this situation, so you must show them (by phone or email) what you want further keep in touch. As already mentioned, you should be careful and not disclose to your friends information that should not reach your ex, however, share with them your feelings and feelings about what is happening, so that they still feel part of your life. You can, for example, say: “Given all the circumstances, I feel pretty good. Of course, it’s not easy to start all over again, but I hope that the worst is behind, and I’m ready (a) to move on.”
If you are already meeting a new person, keep him away from mutual friends. The meeting can cause outrage and be accompanied by negative prejudice, simply because it new love. Friends will feel that they will betray their friend (your ex) if they like your new partner, who took his place. Keep your new likes a secret until a certain point. Wait until the “dust dissipates”, and you do not feel solid ground under your feet - only after that you can try to acquaint common friends with new sympathy.
Speaking about your joint meetings, you should not expect that only you will be invited from the couple. Some of your friends will not want to set a difficult choice for whom to invite - you or the former / former. Most likely, they will invite both of you with the thought that you are adults and will deal with the situation yourself. In large companies this is quite appropriate, but in a close circle of close friends it will be not soooo . Avoid these situations by directly asking whether your ex / ex will be at the party. They will almost certainly answer you honestly. Do not throw tantrums, making your friend inviting you feel guilty. Just express your regrets if you think that at this meeting both of you will be embarrassed: “Oh, okay. I probably won’t go, it will be too close a company. But don’t worry, you can get together another time when people there will be more, and we can distract ourselves. " Smile, be friendly and thank the person for thinking about you.
Do not lose your dignity and act nobly. In an inappropriate attempt to assure you that they are on your side, friends can make a couple of attacks on your ex. You should not rejoice at ridicule of your ex, and you definitely should not join such jokes. Remember: most likely, these friends do the same to you when they communicate with your ex.
- Instead, calmly and impressively say something like this: “You know, guys, when I parted, I was angry / angry, but now I feel regret and I'm sad. During the relationship, he / she had a lot of good. Despite that now we need to move on, I do not regret the time we spent together. If it weren’t for ____ (name of the former / former), I would never have met / met you. " After that, just shut up. Your friends nod in response and appreciate your high moral principles.
Let time take care of the rest. Parting is like a broken arm. She hurts terribly, and you can do little after you have cast, except for the only thing - to give her time. All that remains for you is to endure the pain and cope with the changes that have occurred in your life. After a while, if you do not criticize your ex and do not take part in jokes over him, your friends will understand that you survived this and move on.
- Over time, your friendship will strengthen in the new environment. Friends will begin to perceive you not as part of a couple, but as an individual. Only then can you initiate them into your new romantic relationship.
- Your friends also need time. They knew you as part of the couple they loved, and now they also need to adapt to new circumstances. They can make awkward or even angry remarks because they don’t know who to blame for what happened and what to do. Be gentle with them and keep in mind that they simply don’t understand how to behave in this situation.
- When attending parties or going out with friends in common, do not hesitate to ask them if your ex is invited. Explain to your friends that you need time and a bit of personal space in order to be ready for closer contact with the former than he will be at really crowded parties.
- It may turn out that some of your "friends" are not at all. Beware of spies who secretly watch you, collecting information for your ex. This warning is especially true if you are going through a divorce. And in this situation you will be more than ever glad that you have not opened your new sympathies.
- Do not rush to deal with the breakup too good or too early. Remember that your mutual friends have warm feelings for your ex. If it seems to them that you easily threw him out of your life, as if he was something unnecessary (even if so), friends will decide that you are acting cold and heartless. Resist the temptation to boast of a new pretty guy (new pretty girl), and instead focus on the feelings of friends .
- Any caustic or aggressive remarks addressed to your ex critically reduce your chances of maintaining friendship with your mutual friends.
The social network VKontakte unites people, and various algorithms are constantly being introduced in it, so that it is more convenient for users to find their friends, relatives and just acquaintances with whom they could see each other several times, but at the meeting they did not have time or did not want to add friends to each other . One way to quickly add friends to your friends list is to use the VKontakte Possible Friends tool. In the framework of the article, we consider the principle of operation of this algorithm, as well as how to use it.
How to see possible friends VKontakte
To see users whom the social network VKontakte considers your potential friends, just go to your friends section on your page. In the lower right corner of the page that opens, under the filter lists of current friends, the “Possible Friends” block will be located.
Each time you go to the page, it is formed in a new way. This block displays 5 people you may know. If you want to see more possible friends, click on the "Show All" button in this block.
After that, a page will open that displays all the users who are defined as possible friends for your page. Depending on how actively you use your VKontakte account, as well as on a number of other factors, the amount of user data may vary. Scroll down the page and new prospective friends will be loaded automatically.
Please note: Despite the fact that there are all kinds of filters on the top and right of this page, they in no way allow you to filter the list of possible friends. That is, if you use the search from above and, for example, try to find all possible friends with the name "Sergey", the social network will simply begin to search for users with the name "Sergey" in your database, not focusing on the list of possible friends selected for you.
How are possible friends VKontakte determined
VKontakte does not disclose the algorithms by which a list of possible friends is formed for each specific user. However, observations show that explicitly the list of possible friends depends on:
It is important to note that the user does not have the opportunity to see who he is listed as his intended friend. That is, this information is not mutual for users. If you see that the VKontakte user is displayed as a possible friend, for example, since you often visit his page, this does not mean that you will be displayed as a friend. Of course, with the exception of the situation where when you visit a page, you are active on it in the form of likes, reposts, comments, and so on.
Once I had a need to find a person, knowing his appearance and knowing about his membership in a particular club. I also owned the addresses (VKontakte) of the pages of two other club members. Almost certainly the person he was looking for was friends with each of them. There were several ways to solve this problem. In the article I will write about how I implemented the solution using the vk.com API.
2.1. Define the necessary API methods
To get the user's friends there is a friends.get method.
friends.get - returns a list of user friend identifiers or extended information about the user's friends (when using the fields parameter).
And, importantly, as part of the solution of the task, this is an open method that does not require access_token.
There is only one required parameter:
Using this method, you can get information about all the friends of each of our two sets, but this approach will not be optimal. User A can have 2000 people in friends, only 3 people will intersect with friends of User B. In this case, information about 1997 users will be unnecessary to us, and the resources spent on its receipt will be wasted.
We will only ask for user identifiers, and having received the numbers we need (which belong to the set A and B), we will already select information on them.
There is a users.get method for getting user information.
users.get - Returns advanced user information.
This method also does not need access_token, that is, it is ideal for our task.
In user_ids, we will pass an array of user identifiers that are found in both sets.
We want to get only an avatar of size 100 * 100, for this we will pass the value photo_100 in the fields parameter.
2.2. We turn to the practical side
. $ u_> error)) <return $ friends,> else <return "", >> public function mutual_friends ($ friends) <$ mutual = array_intersect ($ friends-> response, $ friends-> response), if (! empty ($ mutual)) <return $ mutual,> else <return "", >> public function get_users_info ($ users) <$ u_), $ u_info = json_decode ($ u_info), return $ u_info,> public function view_user_info ( $ u_info) <$ u> u> first_name, $ last_name = $ u_info-> last_name, = $ u_info-> photo_100, print ("
Now look at our class in action:
$ vkf = new VkFriends, $ u_> clean_var ($ _ POST ["u1"]), // clean variables from POST $ u_> clean_var ($ _ POST ["u2"]), if (($ u_> ", $ friends = $ vkf-> get_friends ($ u_> get_friends ($ u_)) <$ mutual = $ vkf-> mutual_friends ($ friends), // create new array from intersect arrays if ($ mutual! = "") <$ users_info = $ vkf-> get_users_info ($ mutual), // getting info about users that are mutual $ vkf-> view_users_info ($ users_info), // view information about selected users> else <print ("
Probably many of us noticed VKontakte tab "Possible friends" , but not everyone knows what it is for and how it works. This is what will be discussed in this article.
Let's take a look at what the tab looks like. "Possible friends" , maybe someone did not notice her.
But how many, of those who know about it, have guessed how this function works, and by what principle does it determine people with whom we may be familiar? Everything is very simple. Let's open this section and study it in more detail. Having done this, you will notice that most of the people who are there are those with whom we talked, but did not add as friends, or we have common friends with them. Now it’s a little clearer how this function works, but that’s not all.
First, this list is formed based on people with whom you have common friends. Further it is a whole chain. Those users who have the same city as yours, the same work and other factors are listed on the profile. That is, it is a smart algorithm that constantly updates the list of your possible friends. Suppose you added someone to your friends and right away, from the list of his friends, there are those who have friends in common with you, and they will be offered to you as your possible acquaintances. Here is the whole principle of the section "Possible friends" .
Of course, accurate and reliable information cannot be obtained. This is known only to the developers of the site VKontakte. You can make the assumption that VK collects anonymized data that is tied to an identifier, or buys it from other networks. But this is only an assumption, and do not be afraid, your personal data is not collected.
Reasons to stay
Love, like many other senses, has an expiration date. Unfortunately, few are lucky enough to experience love to the grave. Everything seems to be calm and good in life, but one morning, waking up, you clearly understand that a stranger is next to you, that the relationship has reached an impasse - you need to leave, but you do not leave and torment yourself and him. Why?
One common pretext is habit. You are used to this person, you know what to expect from him, how to live with him and have a dialogue. But you cannot build relationships on the ashes of past feelings. Do not look back - look to the future.
Women are afraid to go into obscurity, to a new man. There, beyond the border, it is unclear how the relations will begin to develop, there will be ups and downs, and here it may be lousy, but everything is clear in advance.
The greatest female fear is the fear of loneliness. This applies to women at any age. Surprisingly, many women are clinging to a man as their last hope, even if, apart from swearing and mutual claims, they are no longer connected. Such a relationship should certainly end and quickly.
You need to learn to love yourself, to part with unnecessary things and people, to raise your self-esteem to the proper level.
The desire to be in the spotlight. All complexes grow from childhood. The girl, once disliked by her parents, compensates for the previous lack of care with the current hopeless relationship, giving the man groundless hopes for the continuation of the novel. Such girls need to be loved and idolized by all familiar and unfamiliar men.
To leave and not to return
You need to clearly realize and decide for yourself that you do not want the continuation and further development of relations. There is only one way out - to complete the novel completely without any reservations.
If you can’t understand yourself, internal torment yourself, contact a psychologist, at a reception where you can tell the reasons for your feelings. And he, in turn, will help to understand your feelings.
Keep a personal diary in which you can record all incoming emotions, feelings, thoughts. Having re-read the recordings with a fresh mind, you will surely understand what exactly you want.
Having decided on such an important step, think about your partner. Such things cannot be said right away. Get ready for the conversation. Choose a neutral territory - some small restaurant or cafe, a crowded place where you cannot give free rein to feelings.
Try very accurately, calmly, without raising your voice, to explain to the chosen one why your relationship has reached an impasse, and you do not want to continue it. Put an end to: develop all doubts so that in the future a person does not bother you with calls and messages, feeding unreasonable hopes.
Of course, after the break it is impossible to remain friends, but try not to bring the relationship to sworn hostility.
In order not to lose your temper and not try to return everything, take some useful time that appears in your free time: sports, yoga, cooking or sewing courses, learning foreign languages. Soon, sick emotions will recede, and you will live a measured life.
We hope you now figured out how this function works. With the help of it you will find your old friends or even get to know people from your city, educational institution.
Sometimes it’s very interesting to see whom your friend adds to friends on the social network Vkontakte. Someone wants to know with whom his wife makes friends, someone is not indifferent to the circle of friends of their children. There are many similar reasons. Previously, this information could not be found, today it is not difficult to do. Эта статья расскажет вам – как узнать в ВК, кого добавил друг в друзья, а также что еще можно увидеть на странице друзей.
Для того, чтобы просмотреть интересующую нас информацию о друзьях, воспользуемся просмотром обновлений на сайте.
VK updates provide various information to the user: which photos have been uploaded to, in which you are a member, what happens on the pages to which you are subscribed and so on.
To open a search by name, press Ctrl + F and enter the phrase, which is the name, or in some cases an alias, of the person you want. But there are conditions under which this method will not work. A user who is of interest to us can opt out of showing friends in the news feed whom he adds in his settings. But the benefit is far from all users know about this setting, so it is used extremely rarely. To do this, you need to go to the section - privacy. And remove the corresponding checkmarks.
Important friends on a friend’s page on Vkontakte
Not all users know that the size of the friends list has a limit of 10 thousand. Although most of the list does not exceed 300 people. Perhaps you have ever wondered how friends are distributed in it? Looking at your page, you can easily understand that in the top you have those with whom you most often communicate. But there are times when at the top there is a person with whom you no longer communicate. These are the accounts that you most often visited, commented on and viewed photos. Also recently added friends are in the top, if your activity subsides on their page, they will go down the list.
But when you open your friend’s page, you’ll notice that friends are distributed differently on it. You will be in the first place. Next are the common friends with this user, the more common friends the user has in the list, the higher this user is in your friend’s list. When mutual friends end, users will be placed in a list with a friend by the date of registration in VK. Therefore, the importance of friends on your friend’s list cannot be recognized in the usual way. This suggests that user privacy is important for the social network.
When attending a party or walking with mutual friends, feel free to ask them if your ex is invited. Explain to your friends that you need time and some personal space in order to be ready for closer contact with the first than it will be at really crowded parties.
It may turn out that some of your “friends” are not at all like that. Beware of spies who secretly watch you, collecting information for your ex. This warning is especially true if you are undergoing a divorce. And in this situation, you will more than ever be glad that you did not discover new likes.
Do not rush to deal with the breakup
How to view photos that a friend has closed for general viewing?
Closed photos can be viewed thanks to the innovation of the service “Accelerated photo viewing mode”.
- We include a new function (accelerated photo viewing mode).
- We pass to the item "Photos on which the user is marked" (access to this section is necessary, otherwise it will not work).
- We select any open photo and view it together with the closed ones, as in normal mode. All photos from the closed album will be available.
This method is possible due to the "curve" of the development of this function by VK programmers. Most likely, this “bug” will be fixed in the future, but for now you can use it.
Access to private sections of a friend in VK
One of the most popular and interesting topics is access to closed pages and sections in VK. Sometimes friends close sections on their page, for example: audio recordings or photos. But still they understand, closed - it means something interesting. You can satisfy your curiosity with a little manipulation of the address bar of the browser on the Vkontakte page.
If you and your partner have reached the point where you show mutual disrespect, it's time to destroy your illusions. There is nothing easier than to stop being attached to someone who shows disrespect to you.
People can continue to live together without respect and recognition of each other's values, which leads to an absolute nonsense about the needs and desires of a partner. Well, what kind of continuation can we talk about?
It doesn’t matter what motives have caused contempt, whether it’s a failed career, a change in appearance or something else. Partners should support each other in any situation, because isn't that warmly so necessary for us under any circumstances, and especially during some personal problems.
If you began to treat each other with contempt, you no longer receive warmth from the relationship and you live not with a friend who understands, but with a cold being who condemns you, why continue this?
I’m talking about that lie when you say to a person, “I love you,” without feeling any feelings. You are afraid to injure him, but you are not really protecting him, but you are only doing worse. The truth will come out: you can’t lie all your life and at the same time do not spoil it yourself and your partner.
Well, if you say to yourself: “We are happy, I am happy, everything is fine with us”, when you feel that everything has already ended for you, it’s also an escape from reality.
6. Swearing in public
All the good that you can say about your partner can be said in public. And all the bad is better left for personal conversations. To scold a person in public means to achieve only a negative response or a hidden resentment.
In addition, if you scold the partner in public or even just allow yourself unpleasant jokes about him, it means that dissatisfaction is growing inside, which has already begun to splash out.
If you often look for a way to stay away from your partner and consciously try to avoid contacts and intimacy, it's time to get rid of it.
You have already broken the emotional connection with the partner and in this way gently let him know that everything is over. Perhaps it is better to do it right away, and not to cause suffering and doubt?
8. The demand for evidence of love
“If you love me, you ...” It is very tempting to manage a person’s life in this way, and if you occasionally hear this phrase, then something has gone wrong.
The only person who can change his feelings is himself, and your actions have nothing to do with it.
Well, if you yourself say so, think about whether you really need this person, will he become loved if he does something? And is it possible to manipulate the one you really love?
9. Public humiliation
If your partner humiliates you in society once, with a high probability he will do it again and again. And it doesn’t matter that he drank a lot that evening or that he was in a bad mood.
Public humiliation of a partner speaks only of deep self-hatred, and no matter how much love you give to this person, this will not correct the situation without his firm desire to change and work with your self-esteem. And this is difficult not only to fix, but even to admit.
10. Obsession with another person
If your partner is obsessed with another person - it does not matter if he is friends with him or hopes for a closer relationship - sooner or later this will lead to a break.
Of course, this does not mean that partners should completely immerse themselves in each other and give all their energy to only one person, but an obsession with someone else is fraught with suspicion, jealousy and resentment.
Yes, the partner is clearly missing something in your relationship if he is so drawn to another person, but you can hardly give him that. And certainly it’s not worth it to change yourself for the sake of another person.
11. Obsession with pornography
There is nothing strange or bad that partners watch porn together. A kind of voyeurism helps to get aroused and find something new that you can later try in bed with a partner.
But if one of the partners is obsessed with pornography, full satisfaction will always elude him: in pursuit of the Grail of multiple orgasms, he can end up on the path of sexual perversions.
So, if you are not comfortable with such alignments, think about the root cause of this obsession, and the possible consequences.
12. Emotional infidelity
Some people believe that monogamy is the only possible relationship, for others it is difficult and almost impossible.
If you have changed for the sake of a variety of sexual experiences, the relationship can still be maintained, but if there is an emotional attachment to the person with whom you had an intimate relationship, it’s time to end the relationship.
The first question people ask when they learn about the infidelity of a partner is: “Do you love him / her?” Because it is the emotional, and not the physical connection that is the core of the relationship, and if it is gone, then you have nothing more to do here.
13. Inability to end the conflict
It begins as an endless struggle without consensus, which gradually develops into “whatever you want,” when partners no longer care about the results of their struggle.
There is a rule: never go to bed offended by each other. And there is definitely something in it.
If none of the partners can pacify their pride and desire to always be the winner in the dispute, cannot go to a truce without achieving their goal, this relationship has no continuation.
If your partner has an obsession, for example, with alcohol or substances, he / she is a shopaholic, a player, a workaholic or obsessed with sex, you will always be in second or even fifth place and will not get the emotional connection that you would like.
If you don’t have an obsession with anything, your partner’s addiction can destroy not only his life, but also yours. Not a very pleasant prospect.
16. Painful attachment to ex
If your partner still maintains more than close relationships with a former passion or husband / wife, this destroys the relationship.
Former partners need to be respected, especially if you have common children, but the current partner still plays the first role. If this does not happen, it is easy to feel secondary and unnecessary, and this is a direct path to breaking.
18. Constant comparison and ratings
Does your partner compare you with those who look more attractive, earn more, smarter and more interesting than you? This is a form of humiliation. If someone thinks that in a strange yard the grass is greener, let him go there.
Humans are unique creatures, albeit in many respects similar. You should not compare yourself, let alone listen to it from your partner.
21. Physical abuse
There are no excuses, no explanations, circumstances and promises do not matter. Just have to leave.
In general, conflicts in relationships are a way to get rid of pain, but their causes may vary. This may be a way to reveal the abscess of dissatisfaction and resentment that arose in a relationship, to clean up the wound, remove what is in the way, and save the relationship.
But it happens differently, when conflicts are a way to break off relations, to tell another person that they have ended, that it is no longer worth torturing each other.
And it’s better to learn to distinguish one conflict from another, otherwise both partners will be hurt and ill.