If a person is loved, you cannot leave him, or you will leave, but you will return in a week, a month or two. You will not be able to live away from him. But why leave, if a person is loved, why not live happily together?
Sometimes you have to leave your loved ones. This happens, so I have not been puzzled by your question.
You must leave decisively, just make sure that your care does not bring pain to your loved one. Well, if everything is in order with him, then everything is standard: they get rid of dependence in only one way - completely eliminating the object of dependence from their lives. This means to exclude any communication - be it SMS, phone calls or social networks. In life, there is not only love, but also other joys, even if they fill your days. By the way, usually a career is being built during this difficult period, because a person is trying to take his life with something and begins to pay more attention to it. So you want to forget about your beloved, change your job - new difficulties will soothe the pain of parting a little. In addition, change habits and lifestyle, go on a trip, go in for sports, sign up for some courses, etc. In general, the main thing is not to lie and not to suffer, but to fill life with anything. Over time, you will calm down. If it was love, it will remain, but it will not cause you torment. Good luck!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna
Hello Alina! let's see what happens:
the problem is that he constantly leaves me. For almost 7 years of relationship, this has happened 12 times already. Previously, he voiced the following reason, they say I just don’t love you and I don’t need this relationship, and then a different period of time (1 week-2 months) passes and he returns, and I accept.
But is the problem that HE constantly leaves? the problem is different - YOUR emotional dependence - because you, KNOWING how much this partner DOES NOT RESPOND to your ideas, still prefer to close your eyes to reality and plunge into a beautiful fairy tale that will give you an illusion of warmth and love in your life - after all, if you see what is really happening, you will be very hurt and that void inside will form, which you are afraid of!
I very painfully endure parting, even though it has been so many times. I completely lose my appetite, stop sleeping normally, complete apathy turns on, I close
this is the manifestation of emotional dependence - when it is not there, you remain ONE with yourself and what happens - you begin to destroy yourself and fall into a state of expectation - wait for him to return and save you (maybe NOT HE, BUT ALL the same - who you must save you from yourself!)
I do not believe that he will be corrected. He always makes a promise that I will no longer be hurt and that he will not leave, but everything repeats itself
that's right, you are afraid of pain, afraid of meeting her and realizing all this, therefore grabbing at him like a straw - it’s important to find out why such acute fear has formed, such dependence, why you cannot feel safe and like a little girl are waiting when an adult comes, a man who will save you and protect you, who can take care - BUT. every time only pain comes with him, BUT it is such an attitude towards oneself that gradually becomes NORMAL! and you get used to living in this pain and continue to maintain this unhealthy relationship! You have to work with your borders, with your addiction, see the source and understand how YOU must save yourself and protect yourself!
Alina, if you decide to figure out what is happening - you can safely contact me - call me, I successfully work with similar problems - I will be happy to help you!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
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Lizyaev Peter Yurievich
Alina, if you have psychotherapeutic support, then together with a specialist you will be able to escape from the traumatic vicious circle of you. If you know what you want, you can understand what to do.
Pyotr Yurievich Lizyaev - help of a medical psychologist, psychoanalyst in Moscow
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Smirnova Alexandra Vladimirovna
The situation is repeated from time to time. The young man leaves you, then returns. You suffer greatly when you part, but you still take it back. This is evidence of emotional dependence, which is an obsessive, painful need for another person. In the absence of a relationship, the condition is accompanied by anxiety and suffering.
how to remove it from my head, how to finally live a normal human life without accepting this person
You must understand that when parting, it’s normal to worry (in your case, this is apathy, loss of appetite, lack of sleep, etc.). And it takes time to survive a break in a relationship. After all, parting is like a small death.
To get out of a pathological relationship, you need to turn yourself 180 degrees. Pay attention to yourself, your own interests.
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Chugueva Alla Mikhailovna
Good afternoon, Alina.
It is impossible to cope with this situation on your own and you just have to admit it. This was repeated 12 times - your usual methods do not work, they lead to a dead end. You should not hope that now they will give you a magic spell on the Internet and you will suddenly be bewitched)) It doesn’t happen))
You need to work with a specialist to rebuild the deepest causes of addiction. Usually the root of the problem lies with the parents. But you can get to the bottom of the reasons already in the process of working with a specialist psychologist.
There is a desire, resources, time - please contact. But keep in mind that this is not 1 lesson, but a minimum of 10.
Alla Chugueva, systemic family psychotherapist, Moscow or skype.
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Karpova Lyudmila Nikolaevna
Alina, good afternoon!
In order to forever leave a person humiliating you, you need to disclose the reasons why you need such a person nearby? What does he signal to you so many times? How much more time do you need to realize the catastrophic situation? And it's good that this is one man. Because if you do not realize the reasons for what is happening in your soul, then leaving one man, not having learned the lesson, you can fall into other hugs, which in essence will lead to the same relationship.
You need to understand something about yourself. To do this, of course, you must have the courage to look at yourself in the mirror and see there maybe not quite an ideal. But only after this honest and direct look, you can change something in yourself and attract another man into your life.
Look for a specialist, do not pull. The sooner you figure it out, the happier your life will be!
Karpova Lyudmila Nikolaevna, psychologist in Moscow