According to the general interpretation, nervous collapse - This is a protective reaction of the body from an adverse attack on the nervous system. This may be a conflict with the spouse, constant tension, disobedience of children. As a result, we get a mental strain due to prolonged and intense mental stress.
Symptoms and causes of a nervous breakdown.
Very often, among the symptoms that portend a nervous breakdown, you can observe that:
- You are experiencing chronic fatigue, weakness.
- Requests from others cause you irritation and unwillingness to do anything.
- You start practicing self-flagellation, often you think badly of yourself. Most often you blame yourself for having to put up with circumstances.
- Words and actions that previously did not cause you any emotions hurt you. It seems to you that they want to hurt, insult, spoil relations with loved ones.
- You have disturbed sleep, appetite, you lose weight and do not do well at work, study.
- You cry a lot while feeling helpless.
These symptoms do not appear just like that, all of the above are just signals and a temporary reaction to the internal contradiction of your desires and what you have and encounter every day. It is very important to learn to notice them in a timely manner!
In other words, internal tension rises without getting any way out, for example, when we endure conditions for a long time that do not suit us.
A nervous breakdown can occur when we spend more energy than we get for weeks, months, and even years. This situation can often be found in a relationship where a wife tries to achieve her husband’s love and attention through achievements (For example: a wife can keep her house clean, take care of her husband, give him a lot of attention, but does not receive feedback).
In the above example, a woman will be on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and it is his breakthrough that can become for her a way to release the accumulated negative energy. Very often, such breakdowns result in a breakup, divorce, or hospitalization in a neuropsychiatric dispensary. In fact, this does not eliminate nervous breakdowns in the future. After all, breaking up relationships or drug treatment are methods that temporarily prevent the accumulation of stress. And once in such conditions (relationships) or in any other stress, the likelihood of the next breakdown will increase. It is best to seek the advice of a psychologist and understand your behavior and your own motives. Close people are sometimes not to blame for the fact that you do not know how to “ask” for attention and care in a different way.
It is very important that the breakdown is not delayed and does not lead to negative consequences for the general condition of the body. Of course, if you splashed out your aggression, cried and calmed down, then in this case, your psyche just gets a discharge. But now, if you are unable to return to normal, then you may need the help of a psychologist.
You need to change the behavior strategy, this is done at a psychological consultation, where the psychologist and the client build the model of behavior and relationships that for the client suggest the best way out of any stressful situation.
Very often, our attitudes and beliefs (often unconscious) interfere with the circumstances that oppress us. As a rule, these are attitudes aimed at relations.
We all want to be accepted, loved, endured, communicated with us and friendly, but in many families substitutes for this very love were “propagandized”. For example: in order for us to be praised, we needed to clean the room, bring a good grade, or be polite with the parent. And then attitudes are born in us that if we do something or say what they want to hear from us, they will love us. All this is good, but it all worked in childhood, and now another reality that requires us of its interests and needs. As a rule, we do not satisfy these needs. We are either too polite and patient, or try to earn more in the house. This does not add to love, and we spend a lot of money both physically and emotionally. And so for years. Thus, we get either a nervous breakdown or psychosmatics.
And at the same time with great difficulty they are ready to accept, love, endure the other.
Do not think that if a person just often changes in mood, then he is on the verge of collapse. But in this case, if these symptoms of a nervous breakdown in the complex begin to manifest with enviable regularity and the person is constantly covered by sudden changes in mood, then in this case it is worth thinking about turning to a psychologist for help.
Frequent precursors of a nervous breakdown are: weakness, chronic fatigue, increased irritability, and the appearance of insomnia. Therefore, the appearance of all these disorders in the general state of health and behavior can become a signal that there are serious problems.
It is impossible to let such a state drift, since a nervous breakdown can cause disturbances not only in the mental state, but can also cause serious problems with other organs and systems of the body. Therefore, prevention of a nervous breakdown is the key to normalizing the condition.
You need to relax, but if the vacation is not soon, give yourself 4 hours of daily rest, regardless of what you do. In this case, the change may also be a change in the type of activity. You need to change your daily routine. At this time, you should do more what you like, getting pleasure and satisfaction from it. Take time for your body, it can be oil baths, massages or walks around the city (even though it is winter).
Start to clean up your diet. Do not feel hungry? Start eating a little walnut with honey (raises hemoglobin), drink kefir, your intestines should work. Eat a little, do not forcefully push into yourself. At the same time, it is not worth abusing food, since eating a lot is just as harmful as eating almost nothing.
Be sure to find time for entertainment. Let life be more than one job. Let it be some kind of hobby that would remove monotony and bring satisfaction.
Exercise relieves stress caused by stress, so make it a rule to set aside time for intense workouts, especially if you don't physically work at work. The body needs our attention, and physical exercise will be the special care for it.
It is important for you to speak out and share your feelings with someone, if friends are no longer a resource for you, you should seek the advice of a psychologist.
You speak: “I see how upset you are about what happened, Katya. I want to help".
You show that you understand the feelings that a person experiences and want to support him. You show empathy, care and support. This is just what conflict people lack. Communicating with them, you will have to go beyond the usual listening (when you just nod or repeat the essence of what you heard) and add something from yourself, for example, to show your willingness to help. It is important to create a sense of “we” working together on a problem, and not dispassionately distance ourselves from the other person.
With focused attention
“Let's talk about it, it’s really important for me to understand what’s going on”.
You emphasize that you are ready to pay attention to the problem. Hearing this, most people will immediately calm down. They are glad that they will not have to persuade you to deal with their difficulties.
The more interest in you, the less time you spend on tuning. Body language will help you. You should look interested: bend to the interlocutor, nod slightly while listening to him, maintain eye contact. Relax, do not stand in a closed position or tightly clasped your hands. The feeling of listening carefully is achieved more at the expense of your posture and tone of voice than from the words you pronounce.
“I appreciate your efforts to deal with the problem.”.
For many people, this is what they really want: to be a respected person and to ensure that they are taken seriously. Whether you are a customer service or support specialist, a friend or a stranger who communicates with a frustrated person, show your respect for other people's feelings - this is the key to solving the problem. This is especially effective if you are offended or upset. Conflict personalities sometimes attack the closest people.
The EAR methodology does not have to include all three components. Empathy is sometimes enough. Attention reassures people. Sometimes it’s effective to emphasize your respect. According to research, 90% of people calm down within 30 seconds when you use the "EAR" technique.
Of course, no technique works for all people and in all cases. Some people just want to stay angry or so depressed that they may need a lot of sympathetic words, focused attention and respect to calm down.
Using the EAS technique does not mean that you believe or agree with the other person. Do not say so if that is not true.
Otherwise, you will be responsible for rashly agreeing with him. People can tell everyone that you are on their side, and that will not be true.
So say something like: “I was not there, so I will never know what really happened. But I know one thing: I want to help you. Let's see what can be done right now. ”.
But if you are in a dangerous situation, experiencing domestic violence, bullying in the workplace, do not use the methods of "EAR". Urgent leave! Your safety comes first.
The EAR methodology is simple and effortless. It allows you to adjust to any person. The technique is useful when you have to report bad news. It can be used both at a workshop, and when talking with a hot-tempered relative. With it, you can end a relationship or wrap up a conflict. Using the EAR technique regularly, even in response to hostility, you will make the world a better place!
When are we nervous?
Nervousness and jitters, this is the feeling of discomfort that you experience in anticipation of important, responsible events and events, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and you are just worried about all the little things. It is important to understand that nervousness has both psychological and physiological causes and is manifested accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experience, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of self-doubt and what is happening, shyness, excitement for the result.
We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or for one reason or another significant, responsible. I think that a threat to life does not loom so often before us ordinary people. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind as the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failing, looking inappropriately in front of people - all this makes us nervous. With regard to these fears, a certain psychological attitude takes place; this has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, we will begin by understanding the nature of nervousness.
Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. Do you need a protective mechanism or a hindrance?
Our palms begin to sweat, tremors, palpitations, increased pressure in our thoughts may occur, confusion is difficult, it is difficult to concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, you want to take something with your hands, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you out? Do they help deal with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or chatting on a first date when you're on the verge? The answer is of course not, and moreover, it can ruin the whole result.
Therefore, it is necessary to firmly understand for yourself that the tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some kind of ineradicable characteristic of your personality. It is rather just a kind of psychic mechanism fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is just your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the effect of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why eliminate it? But because when you are nervous:
- Your cognitive abilities are reduced and it’s more difficult for you to concentrate, which can aggravate a situation requiring extreme stress of mental resources.
- You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can negatively affect important negotiations or dates
- Nervousness contributes to faster accumulation of fatigue and stress, which is bad for your health and well-being.
- If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (meanwhile, a very significant part of the diseases arise from problems of the nervous system)
- You worry about the little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable in your life
- You are prone to bad habits: smoking, alcohol, since you need to relieve tension
Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely there are many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and lost concentration. So we will work with you on this.
Here is the first lesson, during which we realized that:
- Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only interferes
- You can get rid of it by working on yourself.
- In everyday life, there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones rarely get threatened, mostly worried about trifles
I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and explain why this is so.
You should configure yourself as follows:
I have nothing to worry about, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and it is real!
Don’t think that I’m just reasoning about what I myself have no idea. I spent all my childhood, and then youth, until the age of 24 experienced great problems with the nervous system. I could not pull myself together in stressful situations, I was worried about any trifle, I almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This negatively affected health: pressure surges, “panic attacks”, dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now all this is in the past.
Of course, one cannot say right now that I have the best self-control in the world, but anyway, I stopped getting nervous in those situations that make most people nervous, I became much calmer compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course I still have a lot to work on, but I'm on the right track and there is dynamics and progress, I know what to do.
In general, everything I'm talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I do not invent anything and only tell about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I would not have started to remake myself - all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.
So, let's move on. We learned the first lesson, we pass to the second.
Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous for any reason?
Remember all the events that make you nervous: calls the boss, pass the exam, expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, evaluate the degree of their importance for you, but not separately, but inside the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the meaning of skirmishing in public transport or on the road throughout life, and is it really terrible to be late for work and nervous about it?
Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, distract from the current moment. I am sure that from this angle many things that make you nervous right away lose their significance in your eyes, turn into mere trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries.
Such a psychological attitude helps a lot. stop getting nervous for any reason. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, because the body, in spite of all the arguments of the mind, can react in its own way. Поэтому двинемся дальше и я объясню как привести тело в состояние спокойствия и расслабленности непосредственно перед каким-нибудь событием во время и после него.
Урок 3. Подготовка. Как успокоиться перед ответственным событием.
Now we are inexorably approaching some important event, during which our quick thinking, composure and will undergo a test, and if we successfully pass this test, fate will reward us generously, otherwise we will lose. This event may be a final job interview for the job you are dreaming of, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and you need to do this so that this state does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.
And you realize that an important event is ahead of you, but no matter how significant it is, all the same, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your life for you: you don’t need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not to worry. This is too responsible an event to allow nervousness to screw it up, so I will be focused and focused and will do everything for it!
Now we bring thoughts to peace, remove the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm down the fuss and not to think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. The most ingenious breathing exercises will help to relax.
The simplest breathing exercises.
This should be done like this:
- inhale for 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, first you need to feel it, it is more convenient to do it on the neck, and not on the wrist)
- keep the air in yourself 2 counts / blows
- exhale into 4 counts / strokes
- do not breathe 2 counts / strokes and then again inhale 4 counts / strokes - all from the beginning
In short, as the doctor says: breathe - do not breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds delay - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds delay.
If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper breaths / exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.
You only need to breathe with your diaphragm, that is, with your stomach! During stress, we breathe faster, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppresses the physiological signs of nervousness, leading you into peace of mind.
During the exercise, we focus only on breathing! There should be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after about 3 minutes you will feel that you have relaxed and calmed down. Exercise is done no more than 5 7 minutes, according to feelings. With regular exercises, breathing practice not only helps you relax here and now, but also generally puts the nervous system in order and you get less nervous without any exercise. So highly recommend.
You can watch my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing correctly at the end of this article. In the form I talk about how to cope with panic by breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.
Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article How to Learn to Relax.
Well, here we are. But the time has come for the event itself. Further I will talk about how to behave during the event so as not to be nervous and be calm and relaxed.
Lesson 4. How to resist nervousness during an important meeting.
Imagine calm: even if neither your emotional mood nor breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, at least try to demonstrate outward calm and equanimity with all your might. And this is necessary not only to mislead your opponents about your current state. The expression of external peace helps to achieve internal peace. This acts on the principle of feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions but also facial expressions determine your well-being. This principle is easy to verify: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more fun, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in the article “emotions” on Wikipedia. So the calmer you want to seem, the more relaxed you actually become.
Watch for facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inside yourself and be aware of how you look from the side. Don't you seem too stressful? Do your eyes not run? Are the movements smooth and measured or cutting and impulsive? What does cold impenetrability express your face or can all of your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the sensory organs, you correct all your body movements, voice, and facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself in itself helps you to get together and concentrate. And the point is not only that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them go astray and lead you in the wrong direction. Thus, concentration and calm are achieved.
Eliminate all markers of nervousness: what do you usually do when you're nervous? Tugging a ballpoint pen in your hands? Nibbling a pencil? Tying the big toe and little finger of the left foot into a knot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight, often does not change their position. Do not fidget on the chair, do not shift from foot to foot. We continue to monitor ourselves.
Take your time: rush, vanity always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, do not rush, even if you are late for a meeting. Since any rush very quickly knocks down composure and calm mood. You start nervously rushing from one to the other, in the end, only provoke excitement. No matter how rushed you are, do not rush, it is not so scary to be late, it is better to take care of your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of the rush in every aspect of your life: when you are going to work, traveling in transport, doing work. It is an illusion that when you are in a hurry, you achieve the result faster. Yes, the speed increases, but not significantly, but you lose a lot in concentration and concentration.
That's all. All of these principles complement each other and can be summarized in the call "watch yourself." The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I will only advise you to think over each of your phrases, not to rush into the answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. No need to try to impress with all available means, you will make it so if you do everything right and don’t worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgot and go on.
Lesson 5. Calm down after a meeting.
Whatever the outcome of the event. You are on the platoon and are still experiencing stress. It’s better to take it off and think about something else. All the same principles work here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting. Try not to think a lot about the past event: I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, and if I spoke like that and not like that, oh and how I probably looked stupid there, oh, I'm a bastard, and if ...! Just throw all thoughts out of your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if only), everything has already passed, bring your breathing in order and relax your body. That's all with this tutorial.
Lesson 6. You should not create any reason for nervousness.
This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the mismatch of your preparation for an upcoming event. When you all know, are confident in yourself, why should you worry about the result?
When I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, went to the exams completely unprepared, hoped that I would carry it and somehow pass it. As a result, I handed over, but only thanks to the phenomenal luck or kindness of the teachers. Often went to retake. As a result, during the session I experienced such an unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying in a hurry to prepare and pass an exam in some way.
During the sessions, an unrealistic number of nerve cells was destroyed. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought that how many things fell into pieces, how hard, eh ... Although I myself was to blame for everything, if I had done everything in advance (I did not have to attend lectures, but at least the material for preparing for the exam and passing I could provide myself with all the intermediate control tests - but then laziness was in my possession and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during the exams and worry about the result and for the fact that they will take me into the army if I I don’t give up something, because I would be confident in my knowledge.
This is not an appeal not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I’m saying that we should try not to create stress factors for ourselves in the future! To think in front and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and do not delay at the last moment! Always have in mind a ready-made plan, but rather a few! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and indeed contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!
Lesson 7. How to strengthen the nervous system and how to stop being nervous over trifles
In order to stop being nervous it’s not enough just to follow the lessons that I outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind to rest. And the next thing I will talk about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen the nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, be calmer and more relaxed. As a result of this, you will understand how to stop being nervous for nothing. These methods are focused on long-term results; they will make you less stressed in general, and not only prepare for a responsible event.
- Firstly, to correct the physiological factor of nervousness, and bring the nervous system to rest, you need to meditate regularly. This is very good at calming the nervous system and calming the mind. So I wrote a lot about this, so I will not stop there.
- Secondly, go in for sports (how to force yourself to do sports) and carry out a set of measures that support recovery (contrast shower, healthy diet, vitamins, etc.). A healthy mind is in a healthy body: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sport strengthens the nervous system.
- Walk more, spend time in the air, try to sit less in front of the computer.
- Engage in breathing exercises.
- Throw bad habits! Learn to relieve stress without cigarettes, without alcohol and other things. Look for healthy ways to relax! Drink less coffee!
- In the event that the reason you can’t relax is a constant nervous rush, impulsiveness, constantly distracted attention, difficulties in sitting in one place for a long time, then I recommend reading this article. (How to get rid of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD))
About how to relieve stress without alcohol, I already wrote an article, you can find the link.