Elena Pavlova • 10/21/2018
Quarrels and misunderstandings happen even with your closest friends. Inseparable friends begin to move away from each other or cease to communicate. Why such situations occur and how to behave properly if you have a falling out with your best friend - we will consider in the article.
Common causes of quarrels
Quarrels between friends can arise for various reasons. More often, misunderstanding is caused by different characters and expectations from communicating with each other. Rarely does a conflict arise because of a deliberate desire to offend or quarrel.
Different interests and attitudes
All people are different. However, a certain community of views in communication to a lesser or greater extent should be. If the friends' outlook on life is completely different, over time it will be more difficult to maintain understanding.
Each has its own life.
It happens that at school or university, girls were best friends and spent a lot of time together. However, after training, the paths diverged. Someone’s friendship remains strong, even if friends leave for different cities, and for someone’s relationship this becomes a test.
Excessive interference in life
Unnecessary advice, constant calls and visits to guests for no reason - this behavior of one of her friends can negatively affect her relationship.
Coldness in a relationship
The other extreme. To any communication or attempt to meet, a friend replies: “Now I can’t”, “I am busy”, “Come on next time.” If communication does not occur, then it will become impossible to maintain relations, because they will not be.
At this moment, a sense of ownership erupts. A friend can become an object of jealousy or provoke this feeling. For example, perhaps without noticing it, she begins to flirt with your spouse. Or maybe it's friendly jealousy because your friend has other friends with whom she often spends time.
Quarrel over a man
It may happen that both friends liked the same young man. It would seem that everything is simple - a man can solve the situation by “going into the sunset” or by choosing one of them. However, if a man prefers to build a relationship with one of his girlfriends, for another this situation may turn out to be painful.
Most likely, in childhood many faced the situation when one child is compared with another: “Here is Masha, what a clever girl, not like you!” It's a shame to hear. Such attitudes asked from an early age force one to compare oneself with others in adulthood, and not always in their favor. This can cause a conflict.
An overly boastful girl can add fuel to the fire, constantly telling about her achievements in paints, and sometimes embellishing them with her less confident friend.
It may be that one of her friends said something offensive or wrong in her actions, and the other cannot forgive it. Resentment can be so strong that apologies do not help. And maybe a friend did not take the offense seriously.
There are situations when a friend takes money and does not return it. Usually this is detrimental to relationships. Before you can help out your girlfriend with finances, it’s better to immediately agree on the timing of the refund.
Is it always necessary to go first to reconciliation
It is widely believed that the culprit should be the first to reconcile. However, some psychologists say that the first step will be easier to take on the affected side, since there is no guilt on it.
Do not destroy close relationships because of stubbornness and trifles. If a friend is expensive, you should not wait when she herself goes to the world. Perhaps she expects the same from you. No need to be afraid to take the first step yourself, whatever the situation.
If you quarreled with a friend so much that she does not want to make contact and establish relationships, then you should not persuade her and impose friendship. Perhaps she decided that you were no longer on the way. The most important thing that needs to be done is to sincerely forgive her all insults and not keep evil.
This is not friendship!
A true close friend is the person with whom you can share any experiences. She can support in difficult life situations with her one presence. This is a person who can give advice, share experience. A friend will also rejoice with you happy events in life: the birth of a child, a wedding or success in work.
Not every communication can be considered friendship. For example:
- the range of common interests is strictly limited to children, place of study or work,
- communication for personal gain,
- communication takes place while both girls are free,
- communication with a less pretty, insecure girl in order to assert herself,
- consumer relations by one of her friends.
All these types of relations cannot be called friendship, since they are not based on common interests and sincerity. Such communication is obviously doomed to be false and end in a break.
Do not be afraid to meet, chat and make new friends. Do not forget about old friends. Communicate regularly, meet, share thoughts and current events of your life with each other. And remember that any woman needs close friends, because only a woman can truly understand a woman.
1. It’s not always worth burning bridges
What terrible thing did your best friend do not want you to see her anymore? Of course, if she slept with your boyfriend or put you at work, such a “girlfriend” deserves to forget about her once and for all. Think about whether she really wanted to offend you? When you are upset and angry, calling her out is not the best solution. Take a break, observe its behavior, and when you cool down, you can proceed to a calm and sober showdown.
2. Take your day fully
If your friend was your faithful companion for shopping, coffee shops, fitness clubs, travels and so on, at first it will be difficult to perform your daily rituals without her. But you can do something new that will make you distract from sad thoughts about the friendship ended. Go to painting courses, get a dog, find a part-time job - the main thing is that a new lesson carries you away and leaves no chance of longing for a girlfriend.
3. Think of other friends and acquaintances
The light did not wedge on his best friend. Surely there are people around you who are close in spirit and want to make friends even closer. Accept the invitations of colleagues who are going to a bowling alley or restaurant, drink coffee with a classmate or call friends you have not seen for a long time: these steps will certainly open up new opportunities for friendship.
4. Unsubscribe from your girlfriend's updates
Blocking it is not necessary at all (this may be followed by another quarrel). Just delete it from your friends on Facebook and Vkontakte, unsubscribe from it on Instagram and Twitter. Otherwise, each of her posts will cause a storm of mixed emotions in you. And remember: no, no, but looking at her page is an so-so idea.
5. Learn from the quarrel
It doesn't matter who is to blame for your breakup. You must learn from it for the future. If a girlfriend is jealous, next time choose self-sufficient girlfriends. If you quarreled because she was busy all the time and paid little attention to you, pay attention to girls with a lifestyle similar to yours.
Quarrels happen, and even the best friends who are friends with kindergarten can become the worst enemies in a minute. This is life, and it happens. The problem is that you never know what (or who) gets in your way. This is a test, and whether your friendship will pass it is up to you two.
They quarreled with a friend: put up or not?
Here the question arises whether to put up with a girlfriend. If she does not want to give in, shows psychological aggression, seeks to insist on her own, one should not count on restoring previous trusting relationships. They were based on the main condition of friendship - equality and respect. If this is not the case, then even common interests will not save the situation.
However, if friends differ in their views on the world, but are able to maintain respect for each other, you can transfer the relationship in another direction. In this case, the problem of "quarreling with a friend - what to do" may be the beginning of a new friendship. This is better because it eliminates teenage addiction. Any dependence, even love or friendship, leads to negative consequences.
When to put up:
• a quarrel happened for nothing, on emotions, and now both of you regret it,
• the girlfriend with whom the quarrel came out is a very good, loyal person, and you know for sure that she regrets what happened no less than you,
• you are to blame for the quarrel, and your girlfriend is a significant, close person for you,
• she is to blame for the quarrel, but you are ready to forgive and pretend that nothing terrible happened (if nothing really happened happened).
You should not put up if, after a quarrel, you simultaneously feel sadder and more at ease with sadness. It also happens that reconciliation occurs, but no longer causes strong emotions. This means that a friend who has died or is replaced by another will come. No need to be afraid to let new people into your life. All that is done is for the best.
How to make peace if you had a fight with a friend
Who should put up first? It is believed that the culprit of the quarrel should step on the throat of her pride and take the first step towards reconciliation. This is not entirely true. In fact, it is much easier to make a concession to a girl who considers herself an innocent victim of the situation. She has no sense of guilt, and therefore she can easily and simply try to restore relations.
Quarreled with a friend - what to do to be together again? Definitely talk to her. Communication is the only way to understanding, so you can’t do without talking about what happened. Of course, you need to understand well the reasons that caused the quarrel. Honesty and openness are the key to success.
Here's what you can do:
• make a call, send a funny SMS or a message on a social network,
• ask your mutual friends to arrange an “unexpected” meeting for a pleasant occasion (for example, invite both to a party, a meeting in a cafe, a movie or a country walk),
• come to visit her, give a gift - some nice little thing,
• Make a nice, unobtrusive compliment. You can, for example, like a photo, write a comment, praise your girlfriend’s merits.
If the first step was successful and a friend agrees to listen to you, you need to simply and frankly tell her about the reasons for the quarrel and your attitude to everything that happened. In no case do not blame her, even the initiator of the quarrel was really a girlfriend. It is important to talk about your feelings “I felt / feel”, “I was upset”, “I was disappointed”, “I was scared”, etc.
Forget the word "must." Nobody owes anything to anyone: neither your girlfriend nor you girlfriend. Equal relationship, remember? Negative attitudes, limitations, and evaluation are the surest path to a final breakdown, not reconciliation. It is forbidden to use the words “never again”, “do not dare”, “always”, “I insist” in a conversation.
When analyzing a situation, it is also important to look at it from the side of a friend. Even if you consider her guilty, there may be a good reason for increased emotionality, which caused a quarrel. Maybe a friend had an unpleasant conversation with the boss that day, or did her beloved “happy” cup break?
If you quarreled with a friend - what to do? Compromise is the only way to build a constructive relationship. If you both know exactly what is annoying in a relationship, you must agree to avoid this in conversations and actions. It is important to discuss this point in order to dot all i. Understatement can cause a new surge of negativity.
Start with yourself. Everything that happens around is a reflection of our perception of the world, our consciousness. It is impossible to change a friend, but to change herself is quite real. And as soon as this happens, the world will appear in a new light. Therefore, you do not need to think about whether or not to begin to put up first. If you are afraid to lose friendship, then it’s worth it.
What would our life be like without quarrels? In fact, everyone is subject to quarrels. At home, at work, in relationships, sometimes even strangers engage in quarrels. And so, day after day, communication turns into a showdown. This article is devoted to quarrels in the house, with friends, that is, with close people. After all, if we quarrel in a transport or in a store with a stranger, we will feel uneasy, but no more. We take seriously only quarrels with loved ones, such quarrels can hurt us for the living and offend us for a long time.
Sometimes, our friends and relatives accidentally hit us so that the white light is not nice. Basically, it’s not the quarrel itself that hurts people, but the emotions, speech and gestures with which its close people speak offensive words. Simply put, we do not know how to communicate. In most cases, people do not want to quarrel or inflate a quarrel due to minor omissions. But there are times when we are offended by the living and then, as they say: it started! After all, with any attack, the main thing is to defend yourself, and in such cases, the quarrel goes into scandal. It also happens when the interlocutors try to prove something to each other, saying at the same time and essentially not hearing anything. How to avoid a quarrel?
To begin with, psychologists recommend that in contact with a person mentally bow to him (preferably a couple of times). This method removes the aggression that has accumulated over a hard day or from fatigue, problems in life. In addition, we all know our loved ones and, of course, from vulnerabilities. We must try not to mention the unpleasant moments in the life of the interlocutor, not to hurt him. Let your interlocutor offend you in this way, but be smarter: take care of your nerves and feelings of people close to you. Restrain yourself, try to be calm and balanced, because then you can regret the words spoken. Well and most importantly - your attitude. If you are setting yourself up for a quarrel, you can forget all of the above tips. And if you still decide to go the peaceful way, forget about the insults, reproaches and insults.
Many people think that if a person yells at him, what can I just stand and listen in silence? No, you can just walk away from the other person, or withstand the pressure until he calms down, and then talk normally. Believe me, when you behave calmly with the aggressor, he begins to surrender. Thus, you have the advantage and the ability to avoid scandal.
You definitely need to work on yourself, learn to restrain yourself, suppress pride and try to find a compromise. Speak with your interlocutor your feelings, both of you will be much easier and more pleasant in communicating with each other. If your loved ones find out how you feel (for example, the pain of resentment from the words spoken by them), they are shocked by the truth, and another time they will try to fix everything and not do new stupid things. Behave as adults, because only children tend to during a quarrel without hesitation to prove something. Do not take out evil on close people, neither you nor they deserve it!