Why are some people make friends easily? Is it difficult for others to build friendships?
Why do some very quickly find a common language with everyone, but there are those who are very slowly joining the new team?
The answer to these questions is very simple: the thing is how we see ourselves and others! The perception of events that happen to you depends on your attitude to yourself.
Self-perception it may come down to specific definitions, for example, “I am a boring person”, or be evaluated more globally, such as “no one will like me”.
In both cases, you look at the situation through the prism of your attitude towards yourself and behave accordingly.
People who hard to make friends - these are those who behave incorrectly with new people simply because they incorrectly assess the situation!
Why is it hard for you to make friends?
Three teenagers moved to a new school, and they had to find new friends. The first always believed that others did not like how he looked, so he did not even try to get along with anyone.
The second one was braver and began to communicate with several guys, but at the same time he had the habit of retreating and stopping the conversation, because he thought that the interlocutors were not interested in what he was talking about.
The third managed to make friends with some of the guys, but then he began to avoid them, because he doubted that his new acquaintances really appreciated him.
All three took into account some small signals that were not related to reality, and only strengthened in their errors.
Once, all three talked to two guys with whom they had just met. Their new friends looked at each other and exchanged smiles. Our first hero thought that they did not like the way he looked, the second decided that they did not like what he said, and the third decided that they did not like him, although they pretended to like it.
Solve the problem of perception
That is why some people find it difficult to make friends with anyone. They perceive reality incorrectly, behave in accordance with this erroneous idea, and, as a result, prove to themselves that they were right.
If you are communicating with a personbut you don’t know whether he likes you or not, you can show excessive coldness, forget to smile or even impress someone who does not care what the other person thinks of him. And he, in turn, will react with restraint, because he will not be sure whether he is interesting to you or not.
In the end, you will realize that you are estranged from each other, simply because both of you do not know how the person you are talking to is!
Try to do the same, but this time do not doubt yourself and see what the result will be. Try to chat with the same person, but smile broadly. You will certainly be answered with a smile. Do not have time to look back, how to make friends.
In short, here's what you need to do to find a common language with people without problems:
• Learn to correctly perceive people: Try to perceive the situation as it is, and not as you see it. If you are afraid of snakes and stumble over a snag, then it may seem to you that this is a snake. But your friend, who is not afraid of snakes, will see only a stick.
• If you cannot change your perception, do not change your behavior: If you cannot convince yourself that you are biased, you should not change your behavior and become indifferent, detached, and even more so avoid communication. The behavior of your interlocutor will depend on your behavior, and, therefore, whether you will become friends.
No desire to sacrifice your comfort
In childhood and adolescence, a person is practically not burdened with any obligations - with the exception of study, of course. Also, the idea of a “comfortable life” has not yet been fully formed: not everyone in their youth clearly understands what gives them the most pleasure and what makes them uncomfortable. All this provides good ground for making new friends, to whom, on the one hand, you can devote a lot of time, and on the other hand, satisfy the need for communication without unnecessary disputes and stress.
In adulthood, the situation changes dramatically: time becomes less and less, in addition to work, obligations to the family appear, and friendship often does not have enough time. And without constant communication and investment, any relationship breaks up - it is practically impossible to be good friends without regular communication. In addition, the formed person knows perfectly well what a “comfortable life” is and is often not ready to make concessions for the sake of anyone else. Therefore, if you suddenly realized that you have an urgent need to make new friends, be prepared to work on yourself, sincerely interested in someone else's life, devote time and effort to your friends and compromise, and even indulge them in something - without it not enough.
Reasons for dating disappear
Remember how in childhood it was easy to make new friends? And all because people are much more active precisely in their youth: all sorts of circles, courses, school, university, theme parties, sports sections - there were a lot of reasons for new acquaintances. The situation changes when a person grows up: unfortunately, for many people life is limited within home and work, and in such a situation it is difficult to make new friends - nevertheless, the number of colleagues and neighbors is limited, and there is no diversity of people here either. Therefore, it is important if you set the task to make new friends, not to sit back and act: to make interesting options for spending leisure time and live an active social life - then you yourself will not even notice how interesting people will appear around you with whom you want to communicate .
Bad experience in the past
However, far from everything can be explained by lack of time or lack of reasons for new acquaintances. Often people have more serious problems - for example, a person cannot forget the betrayal of friends, which entails disappointment in relations with people. It is very difficult to force yourself to believe a new person in your environment if there have already been several unfortunate stories. In this case, it is worth trying to overpower yourself and still make contact - after all, without real friends, a person has a hard time in life. If you cannot solve psychological problems on your own, you need to contact a competent specialist - do not underestimate this problem: in the end, the lack of faith in friendship is toxic and may sooner or later affect your relationship with your partner and close relatives.
“Rely on friends”
It so happened that today, from all sides, it is suggested to a person that almost the only important relationships in life are relations with a partner. This is spoken of on television screens and on the pages of magazines, while the significance of friendship itself leveled and depreciated. This state of affairs is fundamentally mistaken and often leads to the fact that a person feels lonely in various difficult life situations - especially if there isn’t the same partner nearby who has spent so much effort. Friendship is one of the most important components of human life, and in childhood everyone knows this very well and are ready to sacrifice a lot for the sake of a "comrade", but over time for various reasons they forget about it. Do not succumb to stereotypes of society and forget loved ones as soon as your own family appears - true friends should always find a place in your life: be sure that they will come in handy in the future, and you will come in handy for them.
Replacing friendship with a “good acquaintance”
Many people in adulthood lose the line between good friends and real friends. This happens rather because of your own mistakes: if you have fun going to a movie or a bar with someone, this does not mean at all that you are close people to each other. Of course, the presence of “comfortable people” makes life easier and more enjoyable, however, rarely one of them will come to you in case of trouble or urgent need, and you yourself are unlikely to seek help from a person with whom you only like going to parties. Not everyone you meet can admit your own weaknesses and problems, for this you need to trust the interlocutor and consider him part of your life, otherwise you will not be as frank as possible with him, and sometimes only a sincere conversation can save you from psychological problems. That is why it is so important to have real friends - cherish them, not wasting too much energy on new acquaintances: remember that the saying "an old friend is better than the new two" was not in vain.
● Agree to accept invitations
Each time you receive an invitation to a party, be sure that the owner sincerely wishes your presence. Even if you do not know this person very closely, or if there are no people you know at the event, do not give up the good opportunity to meet new people and get to know them. Of course, you can refuse invitations just to spend the evening at home on the couch, but better not miss the chance to turn strangers into real friends.
● Meet friends friends
If it’s not convenient for you to approach new people yourself, try asking your friends to introduce you to each other to minimize any awkwardness. The best part is that you already have common ground in the face of your mutual friend, which facilitates communication. Most likely, your friend will not mind. The bigger, the better! It is possible that this way you will get an excellent company of good friends.
● Get new experiences and experiences.
You may be surprised at how many new people you learn by trying new activities and moving out of your comfort zone. Both volunteer work and culinary master classes give you the opportunity to chat with other people and make interesting acquaintances. When you share the same interests, this can be the beginning of a good friendship.
● Do not take many things too personally
In any relationship, there are refusals, quarrels, misunderstandings and disagreements - however, you should not take such things to heart and too personally. Whatever the causes of friction, do not try to exaggerate and complicate the situation. Those who came to your life as reliable and true friends will surely remain them.
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