Hello dear readers! Again with you, Irina and Igor. There are people in our lives who always consider themselves absolutely right. It can be your acquaintance, constantly striving to argue with everyone over the rules of the game of hockey, or your boss, who blames you for all his misfortunes, even if everything is to blame for his own mistakes.
Such people are called differently: stubborn and abnormal. But some psychotherapists, nevertheless, recommend to soften their ardor, and treat them as people with a very fragile mental attitude.
Of course, at first it will be difficult for you to come to terms with the fact that this guy who is ready to fight with everyone around him because of the game in "Monopoly" is a fragile person, but you need to put up with the fact that this person behaves this way because of insecurity.
But this does not mean that you need to endure all their whims and treat them with indulgence. Today we have prepared for you some tips on how to behave with people who believe that they are always right.
Even if you perfectly understand that your friend, acquaintance, relative or boss is mistaken in something, the worst thing you can do in such a situation is to enter into a dispute with him.
This will only make your interlocutor feel threatened, which means that he will begin to defend himself even more from you. It is best not to attack in this situation, but to force a person to analyze his arguments.
The following situation can be cited as an example: suppose your boss blames you for the failure of a major project, during which you followed his instructions clearly.
You should not swear and prove your case, it is best to calmly ask what you need to do in order to avoid such unpleasant situations in the future. With this question, you can take your leader in introspection.
As a result, he will have to explain to you what exactly was done wrong in your work, and, therefore, to think about how the correct instructions were given to you.
The book of Karl Honore can help you calm down and find the right answer “No fuss. How to stop rushing and start living ” .
It is one thing if your acquaintance shows his character, but quite another - if it is your spouse or girlfriend.
With a friend you have the opportunity to just break up and not communicate, but the problem with the girl will have to be solved.
But in no case do this during a quarrel. The best option is to resolve this issue the next day, when both of you will be calm. Explain to your soulmate that you are ready to accept the allegations against you, but only if they are reasonable.
And most importantly, remember that all this aggression comes out not because of dislike for you, but because of your own insecurity. Therefore, as often as possible, confess your girlfriend love and express your willingness to solve all problems together.
Give up this nasty dating
Well, or just limit your time communicating with this person.
This option is suitable if your friend is a good guy except when he begins to argue with you. The best option is to understand exactly which topics hit him for the living, and avoid them. Most importantly, remember that friends are needed to get rid of stress, and not add it.
Problem in myself
But what if excessive self-confidence is your problem?
First, check whether you belong to this category of people. To understand this, remember the last time you apologized to someone. If you don’t remember this, then yes - you are probably just such a person.
But just realizing your problem is not enough, this psychological problem cannot be solved at once.
According to many psychotherapists, the need to always be right is rooted deep in a person. For this reason, in order to get rid of it, you need to seek help from a professional. A competent specialist will be able to understand the reason why you feel insecure and cannot admit your wrong.
To get rid of this on your own, try every time when you will be pulled to start a dispute, to think, and because of what, in fact, do you want to start a debate?
If it suddenly turns out that you just want to avoid having to apologize or admit your mistakes, change the subject.
To get out of the situation, you can simply say that you do not agree, but accept the point of view of your opponent. With this technique, you can not admit that you were mistaken, but at the same time end the argument before it gets hot.
A good book for self-control can be a book by Dominic Loro “The art of living is simple. How to get rid of excess and enrich your life " .
In a group dispute, do not try to get in trouble. Become an observer, look from the side, how someone other than you proves that you are right. This will allow you to save your energy for other important things.
How often have you come across "stubborn" debaters? What do you prefer to do in this situation? Or, perhaps, you yourself would not mind arguing, just not to admit mistakes? Tell us about your experiences.
We cannot tell you with accuracy who is right in a particular dispute, but we will always tell you what to do in that or another situation! Be with us, subscribe to our updates and do not miss new articles! See you soon!
Even if you are sure that your friend, relative or boss is wrong, the worst option is to argue with him. According to McBride, this will only make him feel threatened, which means he will defend himself even more. This is a situation in which no one wins. Instead, make him analyze his own arguments. For example, imagine that your boss blames you for the failure of the project, although you followed his instructions from and to. Ask him calmly what you should do to avoid repeating this situation in the future. This simple question will force him to engage in introspection.
He will have to explain what exactly was wrong, which means to think about how correct his own instructions were. If this happens often, ask your boss for help before starting a new project. As Wendy Biari, founder and director of the New Jersey Cognitive Therapy Center and author of Disarming the Narcissist, advises you, “I know I can learn a lot from you, so I hope you can help me with this.” So you will not only spur his ego, but also gain evidence that he himself supported and helped draw up a plan of your actions.
It is one thing if this is your friend, and another if it is your girlfriend or wife. You can simply break up with a friend, and you need to solve the problem with your wife. But do not do it in the heat of the argument. It is better to return to the question the next day, when both of you will be more calm. Explain to her that you are ready to admit the charges when they are justified, but tired of constantly apologizing. Most importantly, remember that her stubbornness does not come from the desire to take revenge, but from self-doubt.
Friends should help you get rid of stress, not add it.
Do not skimp on declarations of love and assurances of readiness to deal with the issue together. Tell her that if you respect each other, then both are able to admit mistakes when you make them.
Get rid of him
If your acquaintance is a great guy, except in those cases when he begins to argue, you are unlikely to want to completely break off relations, but you can choose when and where to see him. Understand what usually infuriates him, and avoid dangerous topics and situations. As the psychotherapist from Florida Samuel Lopez de Victoria says, if he is so smart that he spoils any occupation, then perhaps it is better to get rid of him once and for all. After all, friends should help you get rid of stress, and not add it.
How to deal with your problem
Are you afraid that you yourself are so? To understand whether this is so, is simple: remember the last time you apologized. If you can’t, then you are probably really like that. And you won’t get rid of this for one or two. As Biari explains, the need to be right is always deeply rooted. Therefore, it is better to use professional psychological help to identify the underlying cause of your self-doubt, inability to apologize and admit your wrong. To begin with, the next time you argue, try to ask yourself what the reason is.
If it turns out that you just want to avoid apology or admitting a mistake, then you should change the subject. You can simply say: "I do not agree, but I understand your point of view." So you do not admit that you were mistaken, and at the same time end the argument before it becomes hot. And in a group dispute, just look around: you will see that most people do not participate in it and want it to end soon. Follow their example. Just become an observer and let someone else defend his innocence. Save energy for more important things.