The bosses are different: smart and stupid, good and evil, cunning and not very. Unfortunately, there are real “scumbags” who decided for some reason that their position and social status allow them to humiliate the dignity of those who depend on them to one degree or another. What to do, money and power often spoil people.
Do not give in to big bosses calling you the last words, drooling and stomping your feet with rage. You need to be able to talk to them. And do not forget about your interests. There are behavioral strategies developed by psychologists specifically for such cases. If kissing your boss somewhere lower than your back is not your style, read this article carefully.
You can become an object of neglect or humiliation for having come to work without a tie, for being inadvertently late, for not understanding the order that was given to you, etc. The most common situation is that you made a mistake. Your supervisor discovered it and lets you know that you shouldn’t have done this, that you were no good, etc. This is done in a rude and offensive manner, very often with witnesses. Unfortunately, many managers are considering the possibility of indicating to their subordinates their mistakes as an extra reason to show their superiority. They love to focus on this, relish the employee’s miscalculations, thereby humiliating him as a person.
Your possible actions:
Option 1. Of course, instead of listening to bossy nonsense, you can always declare publicly that you and such a boss are not on the way. After which, of course, it remains only to leave the office with his head proudly raised. “Having said this, the count with dignity retired. All in white, ”the Strugatsky, it seems. But on the way to the labor exchange, you amuse yourself with your own self-esteem, remembering how you put “this nerd” in place. True, a less pleasant scenario may happen: the boss will take care of you and you will not leave the company under your own power, but fly out into the street with things.
Option 2 You flare up and answer in the style of "the fool himself": say that he has no right to criticize you because he makes mistakes, he is late, etc. And in general - you are a qualified specialist and are able to cope with the work without his instructions.
This is a bad choice. Bosses do not like subordinates to point out their flaws, especially in public. Therefore, I do not presume to predict the result. Most likely, it will be the same as in paragraph 1. You will lose your job.
Option 3 You fall to your knees, tear a shirt on your chest, sprinkle ash on your head, humbly apologize and ask for mercy on you. Then say that you regret that it was stupid of you and that it will never happen again.
This option is slightly better than the previous one. By exchanging anger for mercy, the boss can grant you his forgiveness. Only one thing is bad. If you have even a drop of your own dignity, you will not be able to get rid of the feeling that your feet have been wiped about you for a long time. In addition, meekly accepting humiliation against you, you acknowledge your own insignificance. By demonstrating a lack of pride and self-esteem, you risk that not only the leader, but also your fellow colleagues will cease to reckon with you. The fact is that in organizations the phenomenon of imitation is very developed. And if an authoritative leader or boss selects you as a “boy (girl) for whipping”, sooner or later his other employees will begin to copy his behavior. A flock follows its leader - the ancients knew about this.
I am convinced that you deserve more. In the end, you came to the company to sell your professional knowledge, experience and skills, and not yourself personally. Therefore, the manifestation of self-esteem is quite appropriate. You can defend your interests and save your work.
Option 4 First, it’s best to let the boss speak up, that is, “let off steam” before trying to answer. Wait for the moment when he will be able to listen to you. Further, you acknowledge that you made a mistake, that you regret it and next time you will be more careful. Then add that your boss (boss) speaks in a rather sharp tone, and you do not see the need for this. Secondly, it is best to sort things out with your boss in a confidential setting.
And one more thing: do not try to put ultimatums like: "If this happens again, I will immediately quit your company." Bosses hate when subordinates set conditions for them. In the end, you can always write a letter of resignation without Chinese warnings. Better just say that this style of behavior prevents you from focusing on your job responsibilities. Then politely, but firmly ask the boss to moderate his ardor.
Of course, there is a risk that you will be fired, even if you raise objections in the correct form. There are bosses-psychopaths who do not tolerate any manifestations of self-esteem from their subordinates. They need a slightly different approach. (I’ll talk about this a little later.) But most managers respect those employees who honestly express their own opinion in an appropriate - confident and correct form, without affecting the pride of their boss.
Humiliations can take not only a verbal-aggressive form. No less offensive and so-called. passive and derogatory behavior. These are offensive jokes, and ironic remarks addressed to you, and sarcastic smiles, and a polite and dismissive tone of orders, and contemptuous notes in the voice of your boss. All this is done in order to humiliate you, but it is done in a veiled manner and as if resembling.
In such cases, one should not pretend that you do not notice humiliation. If you say nothing, you kind of agree to treat you the same way in the future, recognize the boss’s right to consider you something insignificant, not worth special attention and, especially, respect.
In such situations, the following strategy helps. Do not try to suppress your feelings. Say that you are worried about the boss’s behavior, that you don’t like the jokes at all. Ask him directly what this means.
When you seek clarification, you have the opportunity to "put in place" your counterpart. That is, you caught him (her) in a not entirely fair game, demand explanations and make it clear that you should be treated as an equal. And you do it in a correct and confident manner, so a good relationship between you and the boss may well get along.
However, there are bosses to apply to which the above strategies are not only ineffective, but also dangerous. Usually these are bosses with an extremely unbalanced temperament and excessive excitability, which regularly finds a way out in flashes of uncontrolled emotions: from "quiet tyranny" to wild fits. To find out relations with them at such moments means to put a big trouble on your head.
Oddly enough, such superiors are often loved and respected by subordinates. This is a classic type of "father-director." Everyone believes in him. He is an indisputable leader. Workers relate to him only as a benefactor. And there are reasons for this. He punishes and encourages at his discretion, usually does not like to dismiss on the reduction of staff ("better defeat, but together"), everyone can address him with a personal problem. Many things are forgiving him for this: mistakes, bad habits, rudeness.
But when he is wound up - it is better to stay away from him. If his nerves are at the limit, he arranges a bag for everyone who comes under his hot hand. And while not particularly ceremonial in expression. True, he quickly forgets about it. Therefore, at such moments it is useful to recall the old soldier's wisdom: "Away from the authorities - closer to the kitchen." Try not to catch his eye for a while, and the conflict will resolve itself.
Much more dangerous is the other type of bosses - sadistic psychopaths, who are also "classical" tyrants. Unlike the previous ones, these humiliate subordinates not in a fit of uncontrollable anger, but consciously and purposefully, for their own pleasure. And if such a boss chooses you as his victim, you will not be able to sit quietly in a corner.
There are enough social psychopaths in managerial positions today. Unfortunately, the current life in our country is in every possible way disposed of. They are characterized by excellent “fighting” qualities, a complete absence of remorse, vanity and uncriticism in assessing their own actions. Plus, the constantly present syndrome of suspicion of everyone and everyone in all sorts of intrigues. The arrogance inherent in such types (a strong type of the nervous system!), Combined with an infallible self-confidence, usually paralyzes the victim’s will and ability to resist. In addition, they have a great sense of flair for people who are psychologically weaker than them. A well-developed intuition allows you to avoid real fighters who can adequately respond to this style of "leadership". All these qualities allow social psychopaths to reach significant career heights.
It is established that the psychotype of the boss-tyrant, strangely enough, almost completely coincides with the psychotype. serial killer. This is a single berry field. Only one receives the highest pleasure, spilling rivers of blood, and the other thirsts to "drink" it drop by drop, tormenting and humiliating subordinates every day. Both of them have primary motivations - sexual lust, painful aggressiveness or a thirst for revenge, which are fantastically transformed into a rapture by power and a desire to command people. In everyday life, both are often gray and unappealing people. No matter how one recalls the quiet teacher Chikatilo or the “simple worker” Onoprienko. And official fiends, at work terrorizing entire collectives, in everyday life are often “henpecked” by a wife or mistress.
Even coming to a company dominated by a boss psychopath is sometimes difficult. Terrorized workers jump up like assault rifles and rattled memorized text with a tongue twister. Like, our company is the best company in the world, etc. Although, on people who are inclined to be timid in front of a strong power, this makes a great impression. (“A real leader! And what a team he has!”) Such a boss skillfully feels for the exact method that is applicable to a particular employee. Envy, scare him. Everything is used - both an ironic smile at the right moment, and a rude shout.
The ideal employee for such a boss is a slave in whom tremors in his knees should appear from only one kind of boss. And such leaders begin to intimidate their employees when they are hired - at an interview. Therefore, you will always have time to weigh the pros and cons, decide for yourself whether to work in such a company. I do not urge you to slam the door loudly and give up all attempts to occupy the necessary position in such an organization. Just prepare yourself for a certain style of behavior with your future boss.
The most important thing is to learn to shake off that sticky fear with which they will try to cover you. The sadistic boss is always trying to put his subordinate not just into dependence, but into anxious dependence, and if he succeeds, he brings this alarm to convulsions. Do not give in. And less engage with him in verbal skirmishes. Such bosses are experienced demagogues and brilliant speakers, shamelessly and skillfully confusing the opponent. They have a well-developed conversation technique. They are able to confuse the interlocutor with one remark, interfere with the development of thought, if for some reason they do not like this thought. In addition, such bosses have a very perverse logic of thinking: “If an employee contradicts me, it means that he is not afraid. Not afraid - that means not respect. ” Therefore, those who are not afraid to openly object to the boss do not stay long at such a company.
And defending yourself from bosses-psychopaths is easy. If you are too annoyed by the frightening "dances" of your boss, you just need to mentally put a wall between him and yourself. Create a screen between you. To do this, imagine an impenetrable wall. What you build it from is a matter of your imagination. From brick, steel, armored glass, just dense air, a magnetic field. And you will suddenly see how the big boss, sputtering and stamping his feet, will become completely indifferent to you.
In this case, the change is striking. They suddenly become polite and calm. Even friendly. Most often they have a feeling of respect beyond their control for a person whom they cannot “break through”.
Psychologists also advise covering such bosses with an imaginary glass. But this is not entirely humane - they begin to feel very uncomfortable, nervous and, feeling their powerlessness in front of you, begin to vent anger at other employees.
Learn to evoke such calm indifference in your senses and turn it on when you need it. At least with this technique you are guaranteed against unsolicited pressure on your personality.
In the end, I will tell you how to “besiege” an overly initiative boss. There are bosses who, it seems, are not bloodthirsty, but are quite capable of bringing subordinates to quiet madness with their idiotic undertakings and “valuable” instructions. For example, you are a qualified specialist and have been developing a project for half a year. Finally, inspired, you carry him to the great chief for approval. The following is a typical situation. The big boss, who understands as much in the specifics of your activity as the hare in geometry, nevertheless, considers it his duty to point out your mistakes and requires corrections. You understand that for a project this is a disaster, that the proposed changes put an end to it. You see, but you can’t do anything. It is useless to argue with the boss - they enter the office with their opinions to the boss, and go out with their own knowledge.
In this case, it will help you. golden rule of subordinate. It is well known to all experienced bureaucrats. Firstly, you should meet even the most idiotic undertakings of the authorities with visible enthusiasm and demonstrate indefatigable zeal. Secondly, you must systematically inform your superiors about success in business. The most difficult and crucial third stage: here you need to wait for the moment when the bosses' fervor subsides a little, and only then start the microscopic “truth injections”. The highest skill is to turn things around so that the authorities themselves forget about their idiotic initiatives.
Type of management
If the boss is tyrant, then unhealthy competition takes place at the workplace. The rules of business communication come from superiors, and if management neglects them, it is difficult to build the right interaction for the working group. It is even more difficult to behave with the boss-tyrant, as with a higher management, logical arguments are not taken seriously: initially the employee is at a disadvantage.
The thinking of a tyrant that the working group is trying to get rid of is based on his personal complexes and a sense of inferiority. Through humiliating people dependent on him, the boss asserts himself, rises in his own eyes. He is inappropriately tyrannical and not objective about everything that happens.
He is annoyed by the qualification of the employee and his incompetence - in the mind of the tyrant there is a picture of how everything should happen, and if reality is different from expectations, he shows unacceptable moodiness. Samodur finds fault with subordinates, imposes unfair punishments, and humiliates an employee who he does not like for subjective reasons.
Correct employee behavior
You can’t openly try to get rid of leadership
What if the boss turned out to be a tyrant? This question is asked by employees who are directly dependent on the leader with dubious management methods. First of all, the employee needs to understand that self-will in response to the wrong behavior of the senior management is impossible. An open confrontation will only harm the employees of the company, and a tyrant will get out and come out of the water dry. How to behave if the boss is a real tyrant:
- make important decisions carefully
- make secure, enter into transactions and hold meetings in the presence of witnesses,
- in front of the senior management to treat the authorities with respect and reverence.
If subordinates are trying to overthrow an incompetent leader, you need to consider a secret strategy. The paramount task of employees is to maintain their place and not lose their position. Top management cannot complain about bosses: in modern companies denunciations are not welcomed and punished.
Flirting with the fight against tyrant is also not worth it. First of all, the employee must be responsible for his duties, and only then engage in the way of working life. If the bosses do not harm the employee’s workflow, before declaring war, it is necessary to weigh all the risks and assess their chances of defeating the tyrant.
Для противостояния начальству работнику необходима поддержка и ресурсы: время, деньги, дополнительные консультации. Строить козни, не приносящие никакого результата — лишняя трата времени. Полезные советы для подчиненных:
- If you need to change the bosses, there should be no complaints against the employees - the assigned duties must be performed impeccably.
- All members of the working group must act together. This is the only way to overthrow an objectionable boss.
- You can not show meanness in relation to the authorities. Rumors about the behavior of subordinates will reach the new leadership, and there will be no respect from him.
Psychologists advise: if you can’t put up with such a boss, you should fight him without belittling your own dignity. Combat subordinates can influence the composition of the leadership only by considering safe tactics.
It is important to observe a business style in communication, even if the authorities cause bewilderment or irritation. The behavior of employees as employees should not be in doubt from the employer.
Observation and Patience
Complex situations that overshadow the workflow should be properly overcome. At first, tyranny should be observed: if his behavior is temporary, associated with personal problems or troubles, it is better to forgive the arbitrariness of the leadership. If a person humiliates his subordinates for pleasure, he does not deserve his position.
Observation will help to calculate the correct plan for further actions: you can find the weaknesses of the authorities, collect dirt on him or evidence of his incompetence. With despots, you need to be careful, such people always prepare the way out. Patience will help to act rationally, and not make mistakes on emotions.
The fight against the negativity of superiors
If management behavior does not change, the employee needs to prepare for a serious confrontation. More difficult is the struggle for a woman who is fighting for equal rights with the boss man. Sexism belittles the dignity of a worker, and such leadership views make her vulnerable to the entire working group.
Signs that it is necessary to begin the fight against tyrant:
- the boss does not take into account the advice and competent arguments of employees,
- supervisor imposes unfair punishments,
- the boss belittles the merits of his subordinates, exposing them in an ugly light to the company's management.
It is difficult to negotiate with a tyrant, and sometimes it is not possible to find a constructive solution at all. The boss is on his own mind, he does not consider it necessary to listen to advice. In case of failure, the tyrant finds the one to blame - the one he least likes. The entire working group should fight such decisions without fear and apprehension.
The fight is based on the incompetence of the authorities - that means, for his dismissal or demotion, there must be real evidence supported by documents. Prior to collecting all the evidence, one cannot express the radical position of subordinates with respect to tyrant.
Objection and Confrontation
A correct objection is an appeal to the authorities, which is devoid of emotion or aggression.
If the decision of the management is not clear to the employee, he has the right to ask for an explanation. A dialogue is conducted in a courteous manner and with witnesses.
If in response the boss shows disrespect or starts shouting, the employee politely asks to follow the rules of business communication (its basics are spelled out in the employment contract). It is impossible to enter into an unequal dispute, otherwise the worker himself will suffer, and the boss will avoid punishment.
Violation of subordination
You can only punish a tyrant through a superior guide. It is important to observe subordination: disrespect for the authorities does not give a reason to belittle or insult him. If violations of business communication come from the side of the tyrant, it is better to record such facts and at the official level to file a complaint with the trade union or manager of the company that deals with personnel matters.
In the case of harassment or obscene hints, it is impossible to conceal such facts - an appeal to the company’s management takes place in writing with all the details of the incident. Sexual harassment and humiliation of an employee by race or gender is a serious reason for a fine or dismissal of superiors.
How to make secure
The basis of the fight against tyrant is team relations. If they are trusting and reliable, the confrontation will not be unsuccessful. The more a person is involved in a problem, the easier it is to convey a general idea. The humiliation of their subordinates is the only weapon that tyrant uses, so all employees must know their rights.
Constitutional human rights, regardless of their position, should not be violated. They are the same for everyone: both for subordinates and for leaders. If the boss humiliates the dignity of the employee, he must be punished. An employee's safety net is his work, to which there are no complaints. If the chief’s claims are not substantiated, one should not agree with the comments. A person has the right to demand a reasoned answer.
You can insure yourself with big bosses only in documents: illegal official decisions can become proof of arbitrariness. If an employee is undeservedly deprived of a bonus or sentenced to him, he may demand an explanation and challenge the decision.
If communication with the authorities does not work out, the boss must be confronted with evidence. To do this, it is better to document conversations with management or meetings without witnesses: make audio and video recordings.
If it comes to court to recover moral and material damage, such evidence will serve as the basis for the prosecution. It is not worth putting up with the arbitrariness of a superior employee - this behavior of the boss will not change, and over time it will only get worse.
7 signs of such a leader
- Director rejects other people's projects without reasonable criticismwhile commenting on your mental abilities in an unflattering manner. In the spirit: “Yes, just look at this, I won’t even read this nonsense”, “Do you even think what you are doing here?” And so on. Thus, he only dumps his anger on his subordinates, but no constructive proposals can be expected from him.
- Employees do not contact the supervisor. They try not to catch the eye again, do not go into the office, solve all important issues behind him, so as not to be angry by chance.
BTW. This is a completely abnormal situation: the boss should not be an executioner, but a senior comrade, whom you can come for advice.
How to work with a male tyrant?
I will give here recommendations that will help you choose the right model of behavior. Meanwhile, gifts for his birthday and February 23 will help win the boss's favor.
- If you rely on common gender patterns of behavior, then male executives tend to be more rational. They listen to the voice of reason. Try to give good reasons explaining that their behavior is unacceptable. For example, because long conversations interfere with the workflow.
- The male director will react more sharply to a competitor who decides to take his place one way or another. Therefore, during a heated argument, do not try to overshadow the boss or convince in something. This will only make him angry. Offer your own options more correctly and gently.
- Do not step back from the selected position. Men more logically evaluate the actions of others and appreciate the consistency. If you criticize the idea of your boss, then go to the end and uphold your thoughts - this will cause more respect.
How to behave with a woman tyrant?
Now let's talk about the features that are characteristic of women in leadership positions.
- Women tend more analyze the inner motives of a person, not his specific actions. Therefore, it is extremely important to earn a “credit of trust” from the boss and to win personal sympathy. Then almost all office "storms" will bypass you. To win the location, I recommend choosing a good gift for a woman leader in the DR.
- Try not to respond to scandals and tantrums from the chef. You must remain absolutely calm and neutral. If the boss does not see the response on your part, she will quickly calm down and will probably begin to talk in a more acceptable form.
- Do not succumb to provocations. Confirm firmly in your team about your job responsibilities and perform only those tasks that you really can do.
ATTENTION!! Do not waste your time and energy on futile clarification of relationships - only care about the end result. If he is impeccable, no one can reproach you.
Should I try to get rid of the objectionable boss?
There are several ways that will help to adequately get out of the situation or annoy the boss. Which one to choose is up to you, since each case is unique.
- You can continue to work in the same place, but start to ignore the boss. Walk around the office, carry out assignments, develop new projects, and then go home, not paying attention to the scolding and screaming around. This is not the worst way, but it requires the employee nerves of steel and high professionalism. However, remember that the unhealthy atmosphere in the team cannot but leave an imprint on your nervous system.
- The other way is more aggressive. You'll have to openly declare to the director that you do not like his rules. From this moment, an endless struggle will begin for a place in the sun, from which you are unlikely to emerge victorious. For one simple reason: from a formal point of view, the boss has an advantage from the very beginning.
CAUTION! The boss can dismiss you trite: you will be right, but unemployed. Are you ready for this turn of events?
Watch the video that gives the advice of a behavioral specialist with a petty boss:
In the end, if you feel unbearably ill at work, you can always quit and find a better place. Do not endlessly endure someone else's inadequacy: remember that you are a first-class specialist and deserve the best.
Sometimes a change of team transforms a person beyond recognition - who knows what talents you can discover in yourself?